Sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in the mess that is our lives. It's easy to drown in expectations, worries, grief, and disappointments that we loose sight of the bigger picture. We begin to define ourselves and see our life in such a negative way that it becomes it's own persona. Then one day, you wake up, and see there is so much more that you have been taking granted. And I believe that this happens many times in our life.

As a mother of three I get drowned in the never ending battle between the siblings, the house work, the ability to still try to be the best wife I know how to, and the struggle to find time for myself. So I have moments when I just want to shut my eyes, and drown out the world. I will be honest and say that I have tried to do this and the result is that it never seems to lift that weight off my shoulders. Then I have days like I did today. Where something just clicks, perspective is shifted and I see things in a different light. I simply think "I am blessed".

Homework trials and tribulations

One of my biggest struggles I have is with my youngest is the dreaded "Homework Time".  You would think that I was asking him to solve the unknown physics problem of why there is more matter then anti-matter in the observable universe! In fact, I am asking him to state what is merely a fact and what is an opinion. The problem is he thinks his opinions on everything are facts!! (Hmmm.... I wonder where he gets that from?? haha) But I have to admit that I love it when my children all come together to support and help one another with out me asking.

We have tried just about everything at home to keep him from having a panic attack.  The hard part is that usually structure is very needed and disapline usually brings on more problematic behavior.  So our cycle is never ending.  And each time we think we learned how to handle his stress and help him manage his frustration, all the matter and anti matter in the universe laugh at us.  I swear I can hear the universe whisper to me how silly it thinks I am.  Every day after a new disappointment and failure I sigh, and challenge the universe to bring it on.  Would this make me a masochist?  I may be a grandmother by the time I get it, but I swear, I will tackle this quest..... eventually!   Until then I will take my deep breaths and pray for guidance and even more patience.

I used to keep a blog, years ago, and one day, I stopped. I think my problem was that I felt like such a fraud. I was displaying only the good in my life, when in reality, there are always some things that are not so good. Maybe now I am ready, ready to share my reality with you.  There are so many amazing joys in life and I am on the path to keep my eyes open, and truly learn to experience these joys and share a majority of them as well as my failings and how I hope to overcome them.  All I want is to learn to be a better me, the best version of myself.  I want to be someone that when my children grow up to be the amazing people they are meant to be, they are able to look back and see that I gave them my all.  I want to love deeply and unconditionally with every person who has come into my life and be the best person I can be for them.

I think people are most beautiful when they aren't trying to be.  When you catch them daydreaming, giggling, dancing, sleeping.  When the light reflects perfectly off their face, giving them a heavenly glow. When you catch them doing a silly little dance whilst cooking up dinner.  When they are laying in bed, tangled in sheets, sleeping. Not having a single bad thought cross their precious mind.  Thats when I find you at your best.

From breakfast on through all the day

At home among my friends I stay,

But every night I go abroad

Afar into the land of Nod.

All by myself I have to go,

With none to tell me what to do —

All alone beside the streams

And up the mountain-sides of dreams.

The strangest things are there for me,

Both things to eat and things to see,

And many frightening sights abroad

Till morning in the land of Nod.

Try as I like to find the way,

I never can get back by day,

Nor can remember plain and clear

The curious music that I hear.

-Robert Lewis Stevenson